The First Possibly Annual Tropism Everything Awards

January 6

So. I've been meaning to do this, and as the end of the year is upon us, now seems the time. Herewith, then: The First Possibly Annual Tropism Everything Awards.

(One note about the nature of these awards: I do not limit myself to films, books, music, etc. released this year, though I do do limit myself to works I encountered for the first time this year. Mostly. Other times I ignore that rule.)

These are in no particular order, by the way.

Best Novel: This is a tough one. I read a lot of books, and many of them are quite good. I think finally I've settled on Folk of the Air by Peter S. Beagle. An old one, but I first read it in 2001, when Karen loaned it to me. Next best is Perdido Street Station by China Miéville, followed closely by Jonathan Carroll's Voice of Our Shadow and King & Straub's Black House.

Best Short Story: Jim Cowan's "The Spade of Reason". It's also old, but I just read it last year. Other good stories... well, that's pretty much innumerable. "Mr. Dark's Carnival" comes to mind, and "The Girl Detective", and I s'pose I read "Story of Your Life" for the first time this year as well.

Best Longish Story: "The Heidelberg Cylinder" by Jonathan Carroll narrowly defeats "The Man on the Ceiling" by the Tems.

Best Short Story Writer: Kelly Link. Stranger Things Happen is so good. Ted Chiang is also brilliant, of course, but Kelly writes more stories more often, so she wins. La. Though Ted's writing more lately, it seems...

Best Novelist: Jonathan Carroll. He pisses me off sometimes, but I find his work compulsively readable and often incredibly satisfying.

Best Non-Fiction: Brewer's Dictionary of Phrase and Fable. Carol Rose's Encyclopedias are good, too, and Bill Bryson is not to be slighted. But Brewer's rules.

Best Band: The Old 97's, followed very closely by Rockwell Church.

Best Album: The Moon & Antarctica by Modest Mouse.

Best Show I Saw: This one's really difficult... but I think it's not Radiohead, and not the Old 97's, and not Rockwell Church, but, oddly enough, Ani di Franco. It was a great show.

Best Coffee Shop: Pergolesi, damn it.

Best Coffee Shop I can Actually Go To Regularly: Jeez, I dunno. Temescal café? I like the grungy atmosphere there, and they have sandwiches. Gaylord's? They have good coffee, but uncomfortable seating, not that there are ever free tables. And the atmosphere blows. The tea bar is not a coffee shop. Valley Java 2? (The name is no joke, incidentally; it's the Montclair place where I buy the occasional morning latté) It's certainly got the best staff, and really good coffee, and they're amazingly quick at making drinks... yeah, okay. Valley Java 2. There's Au Coquelet in Berkeley, too, which I like lots, but I don't go there too often. It's a BART ride away.

Best Burgers: Barney's.

Best Fries: Barney's.

Best Shakes: Barney's.

Best Sandwich: The California Club at Caffé la Piedmonte (which is, incidentally, the Best Sandwich Shop).

Best Meal: My birthday dinner at Bay Wolf, far and away. It smashes everything else out of the competition. Though sometime soonish I'm eating at Chez Panisse...

Best Breakfast Place: Mama's Royal Café. But you knew that.

Restaurant I Miss the Most: Hector's, in Chapel Hill. Mmm. Cheeseburger onna pita. Mmm.

Best Movie: Mulholland Drive, I s'pose. Vanilla Sky was okay. Fellowship of the Ring was good. I didn't see The Royal Tenenbaum's until this past Friday, so it's not eligible. If it was, it'd win by miles...

Best Television Show: Buffy, with The Sopranos hot on her heels.

Best Print Magazine: Locus. I mean it. It's the only one I read every month. It rules.

Best Online Magazine: A difficult one. I love me some Speculon, and also some Strange Horizons. Sci Fiction is pretty damned good. Hmm. I also really dig Salon. And Chizine.Um. I can't decide. Consider it a multi-way tie.

Best Online Journal That No Longer Exists: Thought Experiment, followed by Squishy, followed by Iteration.

Best Online Journal That Still Exists: Columbine's journal. In any and all incarnations.

Best Poet I'm Not Personal Friends With: I really love Erin Donahoe's stuff, and I'm proud to be able to publish her work somewhat regularly. (Another of her pieces is currently in the Jan ish of Speculon). But then there's Billy Collins...

Best Hoofed Mammal: Goat.

Best Non-Hoofed Mammal: Human.

Tastiest Mammal: Pig, for its versatility-- pepperoni, bacon, various sausages. Though I'm not a fan of chops or of basic ham.

Best Reptile: Monitor lizard.

Best Amphibian: That inch-long ultrapoisonous yellow kind of frog.

Best Arthropod: Scorpion, followed closely by spider.

Best Movie Theater: The Parkway.

Best Song At Least Tangentially About A Goat: "Goat Girl" by Tanya Donnelly.

Best Story I Wrote This Year: Hmm. "Little Gods" followed by "Pale Dog". I had a good year for writing.

Best Physical Pastime Besides Shagging: Playing basketball with Scott, before his knee popped out. Followed by running on the beach.

Best Beer: Red Nectar.

Best Cheese: Smoked gouda.

Best Non-Automated Conveyance: The Razor brand collapsible scooter.

Best Automated Conveyance: I guess the BART trains, since I mostly hate every other kind of transportation I've tried, but am indifferent to BART trains.

Best Roommate: Sorry, Scott -- this one goes to Heather. What with the romance and the sex and all.

Best Cheese Fries at 3 a.m.: The Saturn Café.

Best Neighbor: The lovely Susan Marie.

Best Hindu Deity: Ganesha.

Best Anthology: The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror was really good in 2001. Better even than usual.

Best Original Anthology: Starlight 3.

Best Place to Drink Beer: I like the Albatross. Saturn Café is also good. And 99 Bottles. I can't decide.

Best Author Appearance: I saw lotsa cool writers... but I think the best was seeing Tim Powers, when he had laryngitis, but was still totally captivating.

Best Editor: Again, a tough one. Call it a tie amongst Steve Eller, Timprov, and the Jed & Susan show.

Best Game: Dude. Diablo II. Give me a hard one.

Worst Pain: Probably when I fell down the stairs and twisted my ankle. Yeah. That sucked.

Worst Movie: Best In Show. That movie was, ha, ha, a dog. Yeah. A real dog.

Most Disappointing Movie: Shadow of the Vampire. I thought I'd love it. I did not. (See, I expected to dislike the dog movie)

Cutest Baby: The mighty Tot. Followed by Teddy, the baby at work.

Best Non-Restaurant Meal: Scott's Thanksgiving feast.

Funniest Snippet of Dialogue (presented out of context): "What's that substance in turkey that makes you fall asleep?" "Opium."

Haughtiest Cat: Gryffyn, Heather's cat in Indiana.

Best New Crack: The contenders were many. Jamba Juice. Hansen's Cherry Vanilla Creme Soda. Others, briefly embraced but now all but forgotten. The winner? Blended Vanilla Lattés at Gaylord's. Though they're not appetizing now, as it's cold, they are the best.

Well. I could go on and on. But this is enough for now.

Tim Pratt
P.O. Box 13222
Berkeley, CA 94712-4222