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Shrubs and Blood Relations
February 7
I am, tonight, hanging my head in shame. I wonder if people can see the mark of the beast which I now feel tainting my forehead?
My mom's been doing a lot of genealogical research. It's been an avocation of hers for years. She recently found a new contact with lots of information about the Pratt history. Mom's already substantiated some of it-- that we're distantly related to Eli Whitney (of cotton-gin fame), and also to the Plantagenet Kings.
Fine. Mildly interesting. But... but... this new informant makes further claims. My mom has not substantiated them yet, but given that the other information proved accurate, she suspects this is, too.
About thirteen generations back, an Englishwoman named Bathsheba Fay married John Pratt, and had the illustrious pleasure of becoming my ancestor. Bathsheba had a brother, John Fay. John Fay married Hannah Child. Their line was fruitful, and multiplied down through the ages.
Many generations later, the line of John and Hannah led to the birth of a certain boy-king.
A boy-king named George W. Bush.
I am, it appears, something like an eighth cousin to our president.
So if I went back in time, and murdered my grandfather-to-the-fourteenth-power...
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My mom rules, by the way. I sent her an email this afternoon asking all these serial-killer-sounding questions about how much blood an average adult human body contains, and how long it would take blood to completely harden into a solid in different circumstances (like in a bathtub), and so on (all research for the bathtub story, but she didn't know that).
She didn't bat an eyelash, she just sent me the info (she's a paramedic, and in general serves as my Source on Medical Matters). She also added helpful information like "If you're trying to fill a bathtub, your best bet would be to give the victims an anti-coagulant, cut the femoral arteries, and hang them over the tub-- that might drain them completely. Otherwise, the blood would clot before it all ran out. But with the anti-coagulants you wouldn't get that thick, gross look of dried blood..."
So, yeah, mom rules. Though she did tell me later she had visions of the FBI monitoring our e-mail and having a few questions for us...
Hmm. A mother-son serial killer team... has that story been done? Apart from Psycho, which isn't quite the sort of thing I mean...
Probably. James Patterson probably wrote it, the hack.
Heh. Hack.
Sorry.
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Another entry (including info on my Dare progress) will follow late tonight-- just wanted to get this out of my system.
If you're so inclined, send me mail. |