Happy and Productive

February 21

8:00 p.m.

I am in love with D.'s laptop. I'm writing this dispatch from Pergolesi, in the "studious" room, the one with the big boring white tables and the total lack of a disco ball. I want to keep this laptop. I want to tell D. that it's totally broken, and that it also appears to be stuffed with asbestos and other biohazards, and that I'll just take care of disposing of it for him. I doubt he'd believe that, but it might well be worth a try.

I did some good work on "Romanticore"-- also at the coffee shop! A couple of thousand words just flowed out, and it's-- dare I say it?-- eloquent. In places, anyway. The writing seems very vibrant to me. I guess I just needed a day to deal with all the stuff this story swirled up, because now I'm evidently capable of writing about it with ease. I may write more later tonight, but a couple thousand words is enough for now.

I got a note from Sheila Williams at Asimov's today-- my poem "Incident," scheduled to appear in the June issue, has been "bumped." She'll let me know when it gets re-scheduled. Sigh. I hope I got bumped for something good, at least. Some brilliant short-short. I hope they didn't displace my poem to make room for an ad or something… But, on the bright side, "Bacchanal" is appearing in the April issue, which should be available in about a week. My name's even on the Asimov's website, in the "Current Issue" TOC. So it appears that's really going to happen. I can't wait to see it in the pulp.

I took care of some maintenance tonight-- went grocery shopping, after realizing that I had nothing to eat in the house but toothpaste, moldy cheese, and half a can of refried beans of uncertain provenance. I spent absurd amounts of money, but I shouldn't have to go shopping again for a while, and I got another semi-random bonus at work, so I could afford to buy good beer and stuff.

I've been thinking today about how really good my life is. I'm not even talking about in some larger sense, that I have it better than the millions of homeless and sick and impoverished-- it's obvious that I'm far better off than they. But even in a more narrow sense, I've got it good. I got e-mail from a correspondent back east, not far from my old hometowns, talking about how good my life sounds when I describe it in this journal-- my work is beginning to get a little recognition, I live in a cool house, I have great friends, my favorite coffee shop is thirty seconds away, there are great bookstores just a few blocks from my house, I have the beach and the mountains and the City, if I want to visit those things… and I thought, "Yeah, you know, he's right. I've got it so good. Why do I bitch so much?"

I'm still reading Patrick's journal archives, too, and he's struggled a lot with finding purpose in his life, and direction, and a reason to go on that's more meaningful than the next paycheck or the next weekend of watching television. And I have that reason to go on. I have my writing, my work. I never wonder what it's all for, what I'm doing with my life, because I know. The details get a little annoying sometimes, particularly when I try to decide what kind of job I need to pay the bills, but my big picture is remarkably clear and unambiguous. I went through a period late in high school when I doubted whether being a writer was feasible at all-- I seriously thought about giving up fiction and poetry and just getting a job as a high school English teacher. I got over that in college, though. I decided "Hell, no, it's not really feasible to be a writer, but so what? Who says I have to be feasible?"

And I haven't been feasible since.

I'm living the best days of my life. I'm committed to making as many days as possible the best days of my life.

Here's hoping all of you lovelies and worthies can do the same.

*******

9:30 p.m.

Marissa's Morphism entry for today is really good. I know, you think I'm just sending y'all there because she's my friend, but it's not like that. It's really good. Made me laugh out loud. And I don't just like it because she uses the word "Prattlike," either.

Though it doesn't hurt.

Oh, I'm in such a better state of mind tonight than I have been for the past couple of days! See, indulgence and whim-following and laziness is all well and good, but I'm always most satisfied when I'm happy and productive! Which I am tonight. I'm going to go wander downtown to book and music stores and spend some more of my random bonus. I'll prob'ly check back in here before I go to sleep.

*******

Midnight

I got a long rejection/critique from Jed at Strange Horizons tonight-- his comments were detailed and insightful, both about what worked for him and what didn't. Normally I'm just as happy to get a simple "No thanks" kind of rejection, but Jed's feedback is good, and I know he respects my work, so I appreciate it from him.

I bought Chip Delaney's Atlantis: Three Tales tonight.

I walked around and sang old Faith No More songs.

I made chocolate pudding.

Everything is grand.

Total Word Count: 38,606

Today's Word Count: 2,239

The Daring Darlings:

Jim C. Hines

Hilary Moon Murphy

Nicole Montgomery

Melanie Miller Fletcher

Karina Summer Smith

Anne Hutchins