My Sideways Heart

Setember 17

Sorry the entries of late have been so erratic. I used to sit down just about every day and write a journal entry, but I don't have time for that at work anymore, and there are lost of evenings now when I don't even go up to my computer. But I miss writing here-- the perspective, the connection, the soothing-of-my-spirit, so I may be here more often. Don't worry over the occasional absences. Life, by and large, is very good, but sometimes there isn't much more than that to say...

I had a good weekend, spending time with Heather, seeing Marissa for a few nice hours on Saturday, going to Susan's for tacos and silliness on Saturday night, breakfasting with my ladylove on Sunday. I didn't get a lot of work done, but that's all right... I don't feel bad about it. I worked well last week, and suspect I'll work well this week (despite a preponderance of planned social events).

I had a great day at work. I can't really say why... there was nothing of particular portent. But my boss bought some of my favorite beverage (Hansen's Cherry Vanilla Creme, a former Best New Crack winner) for me to drink, because he tries to provide everyone with whatever they like to drink. And I sat at my desk most of the day, doing layout, typing up the editorial (which mentions me as a new addition to the staff, and promises that if I survive the three-months of orientation (half done!), I'll get a longer introduction and a place on the masthead), fixing images. Just very pleasant and busy and never frustrating or bad. A day of useful work done well. Nice.

Tonight Heather and I went to Berkeley to have dinner with Karen and Par and Tot and John and the lovely Elisa (the latter two at long last successfully in California, for their honeymoon). Good food, conversation, baby-proximity... much niceness. John signed my copy of The Year's Best Fantasy featuring his story "Everything Changes"-- he also just sold a story he wrote at Clarion to Speculon! Hurrah! So that's me, Jenn, Toby, and John as Speculon authors from my Clarion class. We rule, yo.

Hmm. Get ye to Strange Horizons and read Ben Rosenbaum's first installment of "Other Cities." I'm looking forward to a year of his witty, poetical vignettes...

I got my contracts for the Brainbox II antho today-- whee! I'm looking forward to that. I'll give you all buying information when it becomes available, probably aroundabout Hallowe'en.

I've been suffering from a bit of free-floating anxiety, damn it... mostly worrying about money, my hamster-wheel brain whirling, totting up debts and so on. I mean, what with my student loans, I'm going to be in debt for another 8 years or so, at least-- usually I just relax under that oppressive yoke and forget about it, mentally subtract the cost of my monthly payment from my financial assessments, but for some reason lately I've been thinking of that debt as a weight. And I'm lucky. I'm not that buried in credit card debt, I have no car or house payments... I'm practically string-free. But sometimes I watch movies or read books, and the characters don't have to worry about this mundane shit... they're warriors, or wanderers, or they live on the fringes of society... and I envy them. They're fictional, I know, but... sometimes it's the little things that cause the most pain.

Maybe I'm just displacing, maybe my anxiety over all the terrorist shit is floating around and finding other targets. I don't know. Maybe it's just existential angst in disguise. Whatever. I've felt kind of twisted-up lately.

But today's been a good day. Maybe I'll play some Diablo II, now-- I'm not sure my mind is fit for any more useful endeavors.