The (Annotated) Stuff I Like

December 15, again

  • Starburst. My affection for Starburst is well-documented. I have absolutely no self control about the little fruit-flavored sugar blocks. If someone puts a bag of them in front of me, I will eat the entire bag within fifteen minutes. I'm serious. One of the little candy-bar sized packages does not begin to satisfy me. I always buy two. I can strip the individually-wrapped candies with one hand. I can unwrap them using nothing but my teeth and tongue (not as cool as tying a cherry stem in a knot, but I try). Conversely, I don't like tropical fruit Starburst. This wouldn't be a problem... but I'm color-blind. I can tell some of the wrapper colors apart, but not all. So when my Secret Santa at work gave me a big bag of Starburst recently, I tore into them without noticing the tiny word "Tropical" above the big logo. So I open up what I expect to be tasty lemon... and get kiwi banana. Why, why, why are people allowed to use artificial banana flavoring? There's nothing more repulsive! I was prepared by then, so I didn't eat the strawberry-banana (two banana based flavors in the same broad Starburst category!). I like the tropical punch flavor. I separated those out and ate them in three minutes.

  • Acceptance letters. There's nothing compared to the thrill of an acceptance. Getting a check in payment doesn't thrill me (don’t get me wrong! I love the money! There's just no kick to it), and I always cringe when I see my words in print, but acceptances are great. Conversely, I don't like rejection letters. I got two Blue Forms of Death from Realms today. Sigh. Also got a bounce from Gordon Van Gelder... but he wrote "Your last two stories have both seemed like a step up to me." So he remembers me, and my work, and he thinks it's getting better, and that's more than a little encouraging, right?

  • Writing. Conversely, I don't like not writing.

  • Online Journals. I am the journal locust. I descend on a verdant journal and strip it clean. I didn't even know online journals existed until a few months before I went to Clarion. I was searching around for info about the workshop and stumbled onto Diana Rowland's journal. I don’t like reading things from the middle (who does?) so I read her archive. Then I found out Jenn and John, soon to be my Clarion classmates, had journals... and I did the same thing to them. Read their whole journals. From there I've gone on to Columbine, and to Mary Anne, and I'm now about halfway through the archives of Pamie's journal. The only journal I've been reading since the beginning is Karen's. And my own, of course. Those are the journals I read most regularly, with occasional forays to others... I read online journals instead of watching television. At least I can send email to journalers (diarists, escribitionists, whatever), whereas Lisa Kudrow never returns my messages, for some reason. Conversely, I don't like things that are not journals unless they are another things that I like.

  • My girlfriend. Conversely, I don't like the fact that my girlfriend lives 3,000 miles away.

  • Scorpions, lizards, goats, crocodiles, snakes, spiders, ferrets. Conversely, I don't like maggots, or potato bugs, or roaches, or water bugs, or fleas. Regarding most other creatures I am rather indifferent. At least in the abstract.

  • My family. Conversely, it blows that my family is so far-scattered, and that I don't live anywhere near any of them.

  • My ferret, Elzie. Conversely, I don't like the fact that I haven't seen said ferret in a year. She lives with my mom now... and probably will live with her forever. Meg is allergic to everything. I can only keep Elzie if she lives in a plastic bubble. Or if Meg lives in a sealed plastic bubble... hmmmm...

  • Pear cider, Guinness, Newcastle, Red Nectar, Sierra Nevada. Conversely, I don't drink a lot of 40's, and I don't like American beer (I've tried to. I don't want to be an anything-snob, especially a beer snob, but if I'd rather drink ditch-water than Bud; at least ditch-water won't make me fat).

  • Old movies, preferably smart ones with really good dialogue, or any comedy of manners, or selected screwball comedies. Conversely, I do not like Dumb and Dumber or Dude, Where's My Car? or any of their ilk. Irreverence can be wonderful. Stupidity and insulting the intelligence of the viewer can not.

  • The words "lovely" and "dreadful." I don't know when my usage of those two adjectives started, but I find that they divide the world pretty neatly, don't you? There's lovely things, dreadful things... and shit I don't care about either way. John Gardner wrote of the word "lovely" that we can "never take that word as seriously as it would like to be taken." What a dreadful thing to say, Mr. Gardner. And you're usually so lovely. Conversely, I don't like the words "Great" (this is a word that comes up a lot when one is writing advertising copy) or "lousy" (only because I believe lousy has lost its power-- it means full of lice, people! It's more repulsive and gross and horrible than you give it credit for!).

  • Coffee shops. I am like some monstrous living stereotype of a poet. I will no doubt soon begin to smoke clove cigarettes and snap my fingers instead of clapping and write poetry about the pointlessness of it all. In my defense, I tend to drink house coffee with lots of cream, and not a double-tall-skinny-skanky-non-fat-lactose-free-soy-and-doubtless-some-espresso beverage. Conversely, I don't like... um... auto parts stores. I never hang out and write in auto parts stores. Though perhaps I should... hmmm...

  • Seeing old friends. Being in love. Being right. And, conversely... well, you can extrapolate, right?

    This list is, of course, incomplete. Perhaps I'll continue it sometime...

    Back to Tropism.


    Return to my main page.

    If you're so inclined, send me mail.